Does couples counselling work?

Written by Louis Chalouhi, Counsellor (Master’s in Counselling), ACA Level 2 and PACFA member.
Published 4 November 2026 · Updated 8 November 2026 · 6 min read

What the research says

Couple therapy is 1 of the better-studied forms of counselling.

A 2012 review of couple therapy research by Lebow and colleagues in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that structured approaches help most couples reduce distress and improve how they relate.

Approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy and Integrative Behavioural Couple Therapy have the strongest evidence.

Results vary from couple to couple.

Counselling gives you structure, a neutral space and tools, and the change comes from what you both do with them.

Relationships: why seeking support early matters

Healthy relationships aren't built on the absence of conflict, but on how couples understand, communicate and work through their differences.

Research associated with Dr John Gottman, and a large 2021 study of couples starting therapy, highlight some important findings about relationships and conflict.

• 69%of relationship conflicts involve perpetual problems: ongoing differences in personalities, values, needs and lifestyles that may never be completely resolved.Gottman research
• 16%of perpetual conflicts become gridlocked, where couples repeatedly revisit the same disagreements without resolution, often with growing frustration, resentment or emotional distance.Gottman research
• 2.68years was the average time between serious relationship difficulties starting and couples beginning therapy.Doherty and colleagues, 2021

What does this mean for your relationship?

Not every disagreement needs to be resolved for a relationship to thrive.

What matters is learning how to communicate effectively, understand each other's perspectives, manage differences and maintain emotional connection.

Couples counselling can help you:

• Break repetitive patterns of conflict and misunderstanding
• Rebuild trust, emotional connection and intimacy
• Develop healthier communication and conflict management skills
• Understand each other's emotional needs and expectations
• Work through ongoing disagreements with greater empathy and respect
• Strengthen your relationship before difficulties escalate

You don't have to wait until your relationship is in crisis

Seeking counselling is an opportunity to invest in each other, strengthen your connection and develop the skills needed to navigate challenges together.

Sometimes, the goal isn't to eliminate your differences.

It's to understand each other better and learn how to move forward together.

Take the first step towards a healthier, more connected relationship. Book a free 15-minute consultation with Mind Therapy Room.

What helps couples counselling work

• Starting earlierCouples often wait years before asking for help. Coming in while there's still goodwill gives you more to build on.
• Both partners taking partChange comes faster when you each look at your own part in the pattern.
• Practising between sessionsShort, regular exercises at home turn insight into new habits.
• A clear shared goalReconnecting, arguing less, or making a decision about the future.
• Honesty about what's happeningIncluding affairs, money, alcohol or anything else that affects trust.

How to prepare for your first session

• Think about what you'd each like to be different, in a sentence or 2.
• Notice the arguments that keep repeating, and what usually sets them off.
• Agree to listen to each other's view, even when it's hard to hear.
• Come with an open mind about your own part in the pattern.

In my practice, the first session is a joint session to hear from you both, and I draw on the Gottman Method from my Levels 1 and 2 training through the Gottman Institute, and on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

Read more about how I work with couples.

Couples therapy exercises to try at home

Small moments of connection can make a meaningful difference in your relationship.

Healthy relationships benefit from understanding, trust, communication and a willingness to grow together.

These simple exercises, inspired by the Gottman Method and evidence-based relationship counselling, can help strengthen your emotional connection.

1. The 10-minute daily check-in

Set aside 10 minutes each day without phones, television or distractions.

Take turns asking:

• How are you feeling today?
• What's been weighing on your mind?
• Is there anything you need from me?
• What can I do to support you?

The goal: listen to understand, rather than immediately offering advice or trying to fix the problem.

2. The appreciation challenge

Every day, share 1 thing you genuinely appreciate about your partner.

Try saying:

• "I appreciated it when you..."
• "One quality I admire about you is..."
• "Something you did today that made me feel loved was..."

The goal: strengthen friendship, affection and positive interactions.

3. Listen without defending

Choose a minor concern and give each person 3 minutes to speak without interruption.

The listener then responds, "I hear that you felt... because...", and asks whether they've understood correctly before responding further.

The goal: practise active listening, validation and empathy without blame or defensiveness.

4. Discover each other again

Relationships evolve, and so do the people within them.

Ask each other:

• What's something you're looking forward to?
• What's 1 dream you'd still like to achieve?
• What makes you feel most loved and appreciated?
• What's something about you that I may not fully understand?

The goal: deepen emotional intimacy and stay curious about each other.

5. Turn towards each other

Notice the small moments when your partner seeks your attention, affection or connection.

It might be sharing a story, asking a question, reaching for your hand or mentioning something that happened during the day.

Respond with genuine interest whenever possible.

The goal: build connection through everyday moments of emotional responsiveness.

6. Repair after a disagreement

After emotions have settled, try completing these sentences together:

• "What I was feeling during our disagreement was..."
• "What I wish you understood was..."
• "One thing I could have handled differently was..."
• "Next time, we could try..."

The goal: move towards mutual understanding, shared responsibility and healthier conflict management.

When couples counselling can help

These exercises can strengthen communication and emotional connection, and some relationship difficulties benefit from professional guidance.

If you're experiencing repeated arguments, emotional distance, loss of trust or difficulty communicating, couples counselling provides a structured and supportive environment to explore underlying concerns and develop healthier relationship patterns.

You don't need to wait until your relationship reaches breaking point to seek support.

Strong relationships are built by 2 people who are willing to understand, support and reconnect with each other, through the challenges as well as the good times.

When counselling helps you part well

Sometimes counselling helps a couple decide to separate.

That can still be a good outcome: you part with clearer communication, less conflict and, if you have children, a better footing for co-parenting. Parenting and family support can help with that next step.

When safety comes first

Couples counselling, and the exercises above, are intended for relationships where both partners feel emotionally and physically safe.

Where there's coercive control, intimidation or domestic violence, individual safety assessment and specialist support take priority over joint exercises.

1800RESPECT is available 24 hours a day on 1800 737 732.

If trust has been broken, read about rebuilding trust after infidelity.

Common questions

Sources

1. Lebow, J. L., Chambers, A. L., Christensen, A. and Johnson, S. M. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145 to 168.
2. Gottman, J. and Gottman, J. S. (2024). Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection. Harmony Books.
3. Doherty, W. J., Harris, S. M., Hall, E. L. and Hubbard, A. K. (2021). How long do people wait before seeking couples therapy? A research note. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
4. Relationships Australia
5. 1800RESPECT

This guide is general information, written to help you understand your options. It isn’t a diagnosis or a substitute for advice from your GP or treating team.

Support at any hour

Mind Therapy Room offers booked appointments, so for urgent support please use one of these services.

• Emergency000
• 1800RESPECT (domestic, family and sexual violence)1800 737 732
• MensLine Australia1300 78 99 78
• Lifeline, 24 hours, 7 days13 11 14

See more support services and helpful resources.